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Six L’s of Caring and Coping- Live in the Moment
March 26, 2007
by Dave Balch, Founder of The Patient/Partner Project
Dealing
with cancer is not just about cancer; it’s about life with cancer. It’s about all of the stresses, joys, and
responsibilities you already had in your life in addition to the new
stresses and responsibilities that come with serious illness. It’s easy to get bogged down.
Our
situation was no different. When my
wife was diagnosed I decided that it was her job to get better, and my job to
do everything else. “Everything else” in
this case meant doing all of her normal chores when she was unable to, plus
scheduling the medical appointments, going to those appointments and doing most
of the driving, buying the food, making the food, filling and refilling the
prescriptions, and on and on; all of this in addition to my regular
household chores and, incidentally, making a living.
Due to the stress and overwhelm, I found myself
worrying needlessly about things that might never happen and I soon realized
the importance of living in the moment.
In
any situation like this there will be things you can control and things that
you cannot control. Try to spend your
energy on those things you can control. It is a skill that must be learned and practiced, but when you can
effectively concentrate your energies on the things that will produce results
there will be a noticeable difference in your stress level.
Here’s
a perfect example. It was in July that
we learned that my wife’s treatment schedule would play out such that radiation
treatments would be every day, five days per week, for six weeks beginning in
December. We live in the mountains of
Southern California and we would have to drive to the
city for each treatment. December and
January weather can make for difficult driving and I started to think of the
possibilities; fog, snow, mud, rocks… what would happen to her if she couldn’t
get down the mountain and missed one or more treatments? I found that I was working myself into a
frenzy when I suddenly realized that I couldn’t do anything about this
potential situation. I couldn’t adjust
the timing of the radiation, and I obviously wouldn’t be able to control the
weather. After all, the weather may be
perfectly fine! I was simply going to
have to put it out of my mind and let whatever was going to happen, happen.
Here’s
a phrase that will help to remind you of this basic principle: “Don’t
go there ‘till you get there.” There was no sense in worrying about
this
situation in advance, and I could spend that same energy on something
that would
make a difference in her condition, comfort, or treatment.
“Don’t
go there ‘till you get there.”
Easy
to say. Hard to do. But oh, so very important.
Dave Balch founded The Patient/Partner Project, which
is focused on helping other patients by helping their partners. Visit www.ThePatientPartnerProject.org
for Internet resources and services for patients and partners, including free
online progress reporting for family and friends and a free email mini-course
of “Six ‘L’s’ of Caring and Coping.” You
can contact Dave at Dave@ThePPP.org or
toll-free at 1-8-MORAL SUPPORT (1-866-725-7877) ã 2004, Dave Balch. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
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